"Dear God, I prayed, all unafraid
(as we're inclined to do)
I do not need a handsome man
but let him be like you;
I do not need one big and strong
not yet so very tall,
nor need he be some genius
or wealthy, Lord, at all;
but let his head be high, dear God,
and let his eye be clear,
his shoulders straight,
whate'er his state,
whate'er his earthly sphere;
and let his face have character,
a ruggedness of soul,
and let his whole life show,
dear God,
a singleness of goal;
then when he comes
(as will he come)
with quiet eyes aglow,
I'll understand that he's the man
I prayed for long ago."

~ Ruth McCue Bell, written in 1939
before she met Billy Graham

Lord, I wanna be that man to my wife for you. Make me like you, Jesus!

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Faith & Provision in Ministry

"God's plan is, there shall be none of self and all of Christ.
The very people who are doing the most for God in saving souls, in mission work, in the care of orphans, are those who are working on short supplies of strength, of money, of talents, of advantages, and are kept in a position of living by faith and taking from God, day by day, both physical and spiritual supplies. This is the way God succeeds and gains conquests over His own people, and over the unbelief of those who look on His providence."

~ George Muller (1805-1898)

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Dream of CFNI past

Last night, I dreamt that Lynn and I had travelled back in time to an older CFNI. It's been bugging me all morning, and i might as well write it down in here. If you are reading this, and you were from CFNI years ago (how many, it dont know if it matters), and if you recognize anything from my dream, i'd like to hear from you. Comment or email me.

In the dream, the CFNI we travelled back to see had a big stage, but a smaller hall. The stage was wide and deep, much like those used for production pieces. There was music playing, and a brass band was on stage. It was a lot like a live musical; with dancing and singing on stage, performing to the crowd in the hall. I dont really know the reason we went back in time, but once we were there, I started walking around showing Lynn all the things like the band and the show, and kinda saying how much better it was then than when we were attending in the present.

The show was winding down, and I remember that the audience was seated along the walls, with the middle of the hall empty. In the hall, there was a slightly raised platform in the middle. I was standing in the back of the room near the entrance. Then I heard a piano playing the song "Give Thanks", and you know how the songs is so old that sometimes we roll our eyes when we hear the song, but this time, when the song was played and the the man was singing behind the piano, it sounded very contemporary and relevant. I looked at the musician, and he was probably in his 30s or 40s, wore glasses and a thin beard and moustache.

Then an older gentleman, balding, white hair on the sides of his head, with a slight beard, and he was gently inviting the crowd to respond to the calling of God and come to the middle. There was movement at first, and then it seemed like some of those who were moving toward the middle was hesitant, but more began to respond as the man continued to encourage people to come down. About 20 or so young people got down to the middle of the floor, and all of them were in tears, as they song "Give Thanks" was playing.

I remember in the dream, I knew who the two men were, and I was familiar with their style of ministry. When I saw those two men, I had a sense of respect and approval for what they were doing. Also when the young people came to the middle to respond, I recognized them as those who would make an impact for the Kingdom of God in our present time, where Lynn and I came from, and in the future. I was proud, in a good way, of what happened that night. As I looked on, I was in awe of the significance of the altar call, and of the people that responded.

The dream ended with me looking straight and continuing to slightly nod with approval at everything that was happening. Then Lynn came up behind me as I was doing that and gave me a hug, and says that she was going to give up school, but because of what she saw, she will continue. Then I awoke.

The first feelings I felt when I awoke was the strange realization that the CFNI that I know off today is not the same from the CFNI in the past. In the dream, it felt as though there was more freedom for the Holy Spirit to move and touch lives, and it felt like we had time to let God do what He wants to do instead of rushing through services. It also felt like although things are, of course, very much different now than what it was back when, it is not necessarily better now.

So, in following my invitation in my first paragraph, if you attended CFNI in the past, and you recognize anything in this dream, please comment or email me. If this is indicative, in any way, of the CFNI now or past, I would like to know. And also, I would like to assert that it is not my intention to defame or lower the image of CFNI in any way. I am an alumnus, and I have an affinity for this school. If anything, I just want to bring to light a dream that I had, and to gather some feedback as well as perhaps stir a new hunger and passion for God. Please do not decide whether or not to come to CFNI based on this post or my dream. If God has called you here, then by all means come. This is the place for you.

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This video is absolutely genius!

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Deadly

A man who deceives his friend and then says "I was only joking!" is like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows.

Proverbs 26:18,19 (paraphrased)

For weeks now, this verse has been bugging me day and night. I have been thinking so much about its truth and, yes, it's prevalence in my own life!! Oh, how often have I said something crass or stupid or meaningless, even sarcastic, followed by those very words "Oh, I'm just kidding!" Usually it is said with a half-laugh (if there is such a thing) and the wave of the hand gesturing like it's not a problem. Verdict? GUILTY!

It is so easy, isn't it, to just wave it off and insist that it was a joke. OK, sometimes it IS an obvious joke, and it may be very funny too. But seriously, how many times have we employed sarcasm to make a point, and then wave it off hoping to diffuse the offence by saying that we were only kidding?

That verse says that those who say it is like a madman shooting arrows that kill. Words like that can leave painful scars on a person, much like a firebrand on an animal. More and more, I am convinced that I have to be so careful with my words, and even more so with my jokes. Coz you know, one day, we'll all be accountable for what we have done on this earth and that includes the words that come out of our mouths. On that day, we will be asked if we spoke life into others, or if we used our tongues to tear and destroy. What will your answer be?

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SMILE!

Ahh. The Smile. Have you ever wondered about how powerful a smile can be? I have come to believe that anyone can smile, and when they do, they look beautiful. A genuine smile, even a laughter that comes out of joy and sheer delight is perhaps one of the most beautiful and meaningful contributions a person can give to the world.

Like I said, I'm talking about the ever elusive and hard-to-get genuine smiles. These days, it does seem like not many people give those out a lot anymore, except for in church. It's not one of those you showed your mom or dad to get out of trouble. Not one of those smiles you give hoping to the driver in front of you know you didn't mean it when you accidentally honked at him. Not one of those cheesy smiles for the camera (unless it's genuine), and definitely not the ones in front of the mirror when you floss. The genuine ones. The ones that comes from the heart. The ones that crease up your face and make your eyes small. The ones that last for a while even after you've given it away. The ones that say "I'm happy" and you know it's true. The ones that radiate the joy that God gives, the peace that Holy Spirit brings into your life... These are the ones that I'm talking about.

Let's take this a notch higher...no matter how ugly you think you are, if you put one of those genuine smiles on your face you look beautiful. I have been to the old folks homes many times. I don't mean to be mean, but grumpy old people are really not very pleasant folks. Then there are those who are just happy on the inside, and they have no problem showing it on their faces regardless of how toothless of wrinkled they are. You know, the smiles they give when they start sharing happy memories of the simplest joys of life, when they remember their children and their grandchildren. Those smiles melt the heart and warm the soul. Those smiles tell stories of lives that mattered. Those smiles are beautiful.

So smile, and let your beauty within shine out. Let's make this world a more genuine and friendlier place.


10:12 pm >>> Following up on what I said earlier, something really ironic just happened...after posting, I was surfing on another page, and right in front of me was this banner ad to www.smiletrain.org. Here I am posting about how beautiful a smile is and smack right in front of me is the opportunity to do something about smiles (not mine, if you noticed). According to the site, the mission of The Smile Train, a non-profit organization, is to provide free cleft surgery for millions of poor children in developing countries and offer training to local doctors and medical professionals. Their promo video brought me to tears. I personally know a couple of people who've had cleft surgeries, and on trips to native villages in Malaysia I've met a few kids who have this condition, so I guess I can say that I do understand a little about how important it is to get clefts corrected.

According to The Smile Train, a gift amount of $250 provides cleft surgery for one child. That's actually quite a bit of money for me----> So I just had this coolest idea--I think it's cool--I can't really afford to donate to The Smile Train on my own, and since I really want to give anyway, I'm throwing it out there to those who wanna share a {one-time-$250-donation} with me. You can let me know via email or comment on THIS BLOG and i'll get in touch with you. You can also let me know via Facebook; if you dont have a FB account, get one. It's shnazzy. Or even better, you can just give me the money in person.

Here's my pledge: I'm only gonna do this within the next 2 weeks, ending Sunday, August 3, 2008. If there is no $250 by then, I will return all the money I've collected. But once I've gathered $250 I will donate to The Smile Train via credit card and I will email the receipt to all those who contributed to this effort. If you're wondering why I'm collecting the money instead of you, well, it's coz I thought of this idea, and it's my 'baby'. I promise I'm not gonna swindle or run away with your money. Boy Scout's honor [3-finger-salute].

So for starters, I'm putting $25 in the bank for The Smile Train. Anyone else?

Cataclysmic!

If I had to describe what happened this week, it would be that God forever changed lives, touched hearts, and transformed Trinityouth into 'another animal' as Pr Jude says, or something else; an actual, living organism that knows His love and lives for His glory.

We went for YFN (Youth For the Nations) Camp again, this year with 30 of our young people. By the end of the week, I could sense such an anointing on their lives. When young people are saturated in the presence of God, they show so much promise in them! There's so much in them that shines because their hearts are illuminated by Holy Spirit and their souls set ablaze. Only into the second day of camp, their hands are already shot into the sky and voices blasting away in worship!

I remember telling the boys that night, the second night, when we were in the church kitchen, that I really felt God told me He was gonna set each on of them on fire, the girls as well. Their lives will never be the same again. Their passion and zeal for God will be fiery, and they will infect their families and friends with the presence and the power of God.

By the end of camp, just within our group, we had about ten youth baptized in Holy Spirit and their tongues rolling in a new prayer language and others set free from their sin and shame, set free to dance and use their bodies as worship unto God, eyes opened to see how important their lives are and how much is at stake as the devil tries everything to steal, kill, and destroy their generation. Some of them experienced God for the first time, realising how much they are loved by Him. Some of them were delivered from demonic oppression and possession and overcame haunting spirits of the past by the power of blood of the Lamb and the testimony of His saints.

Dear God, raise up a generation that will seek You face! Let Your holy flame burn passionately in them for You...let this be the beginnings of a fresh work You are doing in our young people, our church, and our generation. Pour out Your Spirit, God, on Your sons and daughters! Set us aflame to reflect Your glory and do Your will on this earth!! Amen!

Freedom

Ever wondered what people meant when they accuse you of restricting their freedoms or rights to certain things? I do.

"I'm free to do whatever I want," and you see the next time you see him/her, they're snorting drugs, cussing, cutting themselves, destroying property, or just doing something destructive. Then you look at them and say "Freedom, huh..."

I'd like to think of the word "Freedom" in a positive way. It's just rational, coz it IS a positive word. The idea of freedom should enable us to do positive things. For example, If I say I have freedom and turn around with cuss words in my mouth, then I really am bound by those words. Cuss words are negative, demeaning, destructive. Can I really be practicing freedom if those words have such a grip on me so much so they come out of my mouth? I'm not free, I'm bound.
If I say "FREEDOM!" and I turn around and do drugs, then I really am not free but bound by drugs. And if I turn around and look at porn, or lust at someone, then I really am not free because I'm bound by sexual immorality and lustful addictions. You cannot invoke your freedom to do something that is negative. That is not freedom, that is bondage.

Like I said, true freedom allows you to be free to do positive things. In my opinion, only those who are free know how to say "Thank you" or "You're welcome". Those who know what true freedom is know what it is like to live a life free of drugs, immorality, and destructive behaviour. I mean, it takes a really free person to be obedient to authority, don't you think? Freedom enables us to enjoy a life free of bondages. Freedom should lead us to live a life of positivity and possibilities. Freedom is the ability to do what we want as long as it develops who we are and brings out the best in us in every situation and circumstance.

I'm free. Are you?

Not just any dream...

I just got done writing down what I could remember from a dream I had just before I woke up at about 5am this morning.

I dreamed that I got on a bus, and in that bus were a few people. There was a tall guy, white shirt, and sport shorts, he was talking to a lady, and two other ladies in the bus. The driver was on the right side. As I got on the bus from the left side, I scanned the bus to see where I would sit. I ended up sitting in the middle on the silver chrome railing up front by the driver,
the two ladies to my left. I was listening to their conversation, they were talking about the other passengers on the bus.

The tall guy in white shirt suddenly was talking to them too, apparently this is a bus where people were going through things (sickness, disease, various problems with $$ and others, etc.) and they were on the bus to help them get to their 'destinations' so this guy was talking to one of the ladies and telling her his story, why he was on the bus. He was very cocky, seemed like he was trying to impress the girl. At this point I realised that I was observing them looking straight at them as if I was positioned further behind toward the middle of the bus, but still at the front. This man kept talking and talking as the bus rumbled on. I wasn't paying attention to the places we were going through; it was almost as if everyone knew where the bus was heading.

As the bus rumbled along, one of the ladies had been "running" on the bus, like exercising or something. She had a nice sleeveless blouse on, white with red lace edges, don't remember what bottom she was wearing, but she was being really active. She needed help of others to lift her by the arms over obstacles she has to go through as she was running in the bus. The tall guy asked her what she was on the bus for, and she replied that she had anorexia, to which we were all mildly surprised. She looked like a healthy looking woman. The guy then asked if she was anorexic, then why her arms looked fleshy and she looked healthy instead of anorexic. She explained that in order to get to her 'destination', she had two choices: she would either have to get fit and stay fit and keep running, or she would have to go into a coma all the way to the destination. She said she would rather be conscious getting there than be in a coma all the way.

The bus stopped as we arrived at some destination and everyone got down except for me and the running girl. An older lady got on the bus, and sat on the right front row. The running girl stopped running and sat behind the older woman, presumably to rest. She looked really sad and tired. The older started to talk to me, I don't remember what about, but as she was asking me why I was on the bus, I felt the Holy Spirit prompt in me, and I knew that I had to go over and pray for the anorexic girl. So I walked toward the girl, and sat down next to her, and asked her if I could pray for her, totally ignoring the older woman's question not because I was rude but because I was focused on what I needed to do. The girl said yes. The older woman was probably annoyed that I ignored her, but I put my right arm across the back of the girl's shoulder, like a side hug, and started praying anyway. The girl was visibly touched as she closed her eyes, like any person who knew how to pray.

Parts of the prayer that I remember praying aloud:
"Dear God, I pray for my sister here....
...in the name of Jesus take away the pain, distress and confusion...
...I know You have a plan for her and her future, of hope and purpose..."

At this point, the older woman in front started to pray in tongues, and I felt like the Holy Spirit was moving, touching and stirring in the girl's spirit, at which I intensified my prayer, and I knew I had to believe in what I was asking for, and not just pray any simple general prayer that we all sometimes do to help everyone feel good about the prayer:
"I know, Lord, that You can heal, I know that this sickness and pain is NOT of You, so I wanna be brave and ASK and BELIEVE for your healing power to come and RESTORE her to health...
...I don't want her to just go through the motions of life, but ENCOUNTER her in Jesus' name!"

The girl began to sob as I laid my left hand over her belly, not touching her.
"RELEASE! " I shouted, "A full anointing of Your healing power!" as she sobbed more, and I continued to gesture with my left hand with my index up as I prayed. "A FULL ANOINTING in Jesus' name!"

Then I turned to the girl and asked what her name was.
"Li Ling," she replied, tears in her eyes. I asked her if she knew Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour, and she replied "No." Then the dream ended as I sat up in bed, wide awake, heart pounding like I just had a nightmare.

I dream a lot, but I usually don't remember them, but I have learned that when I do remember a dream, it is usually of great significance and importance. Lately, after my visit to Kansas City about 2 weeks ago, I've been documenting the dreams that I remember, and they have been coming more and more. I know that somehow they will mean something of significance either for me or for others. Perhaps God is developing the prophetic in me through dreams.

In any case, I strongly believe this to be a prophetic dream. I don't even know any girl by the name of Li Ling. If you read through this post, and know of someone named Li Ling that is going through anorexia or depression, please tell her about this dream. I believe she needs to know that God is aware of what she's going through, and not just aware but cares and loves her and is willing to heal and restore her. She needs to know that she is not alone in her struggle to stay alive and arrive at her 'destination', wherever or whatever that may mean.

Give-up galore...

While I was talking to Pr Mike this afternoon, God reminded me once again of His divine providence in my life. I have just been offered an administrative position in church, something that Lynn and I have been praying for for months. I realised that before I was even offered anything, I had to come to a point where I totally surrendered to God, and give up my desire to work in church.

Then, it all came back to me like a reel of film unrolling at full speed: Everything I have ever asked of God, every desire that I have ever had, I had to come to a place where I have totally given it up before He would give it back to me. The more significant ones were:

• to attend Christ For the Nations Institute. My visa took more than 6 months before it was approved, by which time I had already given up hope of ever coming to the United States. Then it came.
• to complete my education. When I answered God's call to serve Him in full-time Christian ministry, I stopped my college education after 2 years to serve my youth group. 3 years after attending CFNI, God realised my dream to finish a bachelor's degree, and by His hand provided through others all the funds for it. I have never lacked food, clothing, or shelter. I have seen more miracles of God's providence in my life through financial means than I have ever experienced before.
• to get married early. I had literally given up the prospect of getting married before the age of 30 because of many reasons, mainly career and financial ones. My marriage to Lynn would not have been possible if not for God's clear direction and providence for the entire wedding ceremony. It would have been sheer stupidity if we had ignored God's hand over our lives for marriage.
  
• to serve in a growing, healthy church in a full-time capacity while here in US as Lynn pursues her education. Just last week, I remember telling God "Whatever. I give up. I don't really care where You put me, which door You open, I just want to be in Your will." In the last week, I received my authorization to work and an offer for a position in this church.
  

So YES, I am reminded that God wants all of me. Even my very desire to serve Him, would I be willing to give it up if He asked me to?

Yes. YES. YES.

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love
At the impulse of Thy love

Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee
Take my voice and let me sing always only for my King
Always only for my King

Take my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withhold
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise
Let them flow in ceaseless praise

Take my will and make it Thine, it shall be no longer mine
Take my heart, it is Thine own, it shall be Thy royal throne
It shall be Thy royal throne
~ Frances Havergal, 1874