Jacob's wait...

i was reading again Jacob's story in Genesis 29, and discovered something i have never known before: Jacob waited for Rachel only seven years and one week and not fourteen years as i always have thought.

for the longest time i've wondered how is it possible for a man to be so patient, really; considering he waited seven years thinking he would get to marry the woman he loves, and when he finally gets married, he finds out the next day it wasnt her but another woman...how could he have waited another seven years?

but no! according to scriptures as i read it again this morning, Laban said to Jacob in Genesis 29:26-28,

"...It is not permitted in our country to give the younger [in marriage] before the elder. Finish the [wedding feast] week [for Leah]; then we will give you [Rachel] also, and you shall work for me
yet seven more years in return." So Jacob complied and fulfilled [Leah's] week; then [Laban] gave him Rachel his daughter as his wife.

hehe=) i think i'm VERY HAPPY for Jacob, hahah. i guess i was just so troubled for so long that he was cheated...but in the end he got what he wished and worked for...and more. i'm not advocating having two wives, God forbid! I'm just happy that he didnt have to wait that long to get the woman he loves. if i were Jacob, i honestly dont think i'd be able to wait another seven years. i'd be so mad that i would have left for good and not come back.

i think God knew what was going on, and made things work out the way they should be, as He always does.

Just wanna share my revelation and my joy today=)

if i dont write here in the next few days, i wish everyone blessings for the coming New Year! May God be the Lord of your life as you begin afresh a new year, with new mercies and new opportunities in Christ Jesus!

FOR HIS GLORY!!

Merry Christmas

hello everybody. what a wonderful Christmas! i'm sitting here in the Cole House in Crestline, OH...watching the movie "It's a beautiful life" by Frank Capra. i think it's one of the most meaningful movies ever made...

well, i actually just wanna wish everyone a very merry Christmas. i cant tell everyone enough how much this time of the year means to me; a time when we remember the birth of the greatest gift ever to all of mankind...Jesus Christ!

"no man is a failure who has friends" - clarence, in the movie.

how true it is when we consider how blessed we are to have a friend in Jesus!

Merry Christ to us all! God bless us, everyone!

back from Dallas...

Hie everybody. wow=) yup i just got back from Dallas last night; no more 20hour drives for the next 3 weeks at least!

for those of you in the dark, went to Dallas for about 6 days to see some friends graduate [CONGRATS, MIMI!] and also to attend a wedding. and i'm so blessed coz Lynn's with me for CHRISTMAS! woohooo! how exciting, i'm so pleased! so yup, i flew down, but since Joe Cole was coming home we drove up in his bright red chevy truck. we had four of us squeezed into one cab, definitely not the most comfortable 20hours, i must say; i'm just glad we've arrived!

i'm listening to this one really cool song on Jan's blog...i lorrrvveee songs like this. slow, sentimental, and melodiously compelling...(even though i dont really understand the Mandarin lyrics *sengih* )

so there's always this little struggle in me towards the things that are familiar. on the one hand, part of me wants the familiarity of things, yet i sometimes get tired of the way things are done. and then on the other hand, i desire new things, new places, new challenges, yet sometimes i do not even want to budge from the comfort of the familiar. this struggle between old things and new, comfort and challenges, familiarity and excitement....is there a balance? i dont believe we should sway to the extremes, but how and where do i find the balance?

i think the answer will never be found in a one single-lined formula. the balance comes as a result of the decisions i make based on every possible consideration. yet there is one factor that i want to always want to be mindful of: that my decisions will reflect the glory of my God.

only by this factor, can i ignore the stupendity of man-made rules and regulations. no matter how unreasonable and dumb these rules are, i would follow them, or should i say i would adhere to them only because ultimately, it is my attitude of placing the will and the glory of my Father and King higher than my will.

this indicates that i still have a lot of pride to get rid off.

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Daddy-God, help me.

i used to think that having a positive outlook could change the world. but i never would have thought that it would be so painful to force a smile.

i used to think i handled rejection pretty well by laughing at how unrealistic my own expectations were, until i was still rejected because of realistic expectations.

i used to think that all there was to life was to live it well, until i realised that i had missed out on so many good things because of the wrong choices i made.

i used to think that all people, no matter how evil, have some good in them,

i always thought falling in love would be easy, until i fell in love, and fell very hard.

Cycle...

life is a cycle more obvious than we think
and death is not the only thing that comes around the rink
just when we think that it's time for "happily ever after"
suddenly comes again(!) for hearts to come asunder

they say true love never fails, true love always prevails
i'd say that true love indeed does have sails
it comes like a ship, beautiful and grand
and when the time comes, it must head for other lands
so when it embarks to another place
will you be found in it's embrace?
will you be anticipating foreign lands
or will you, on the harbour, stand?

my ship came and now must go
i am no captain to guide it through the troughs
here will i stand, here is my ground
i know this is where my happiness is found
i am made for lands, yea, lands are for me
i love the sea, yea, but a sailor i cant be.

Christmas Lights...

yesterday evening after work we hung Christmas lights and deco on the house. nothing fancy, but really enjoyed doing stuff like that. climb on ladders, hang stuff, make everything look nice. i love the atmosphere too!

earlier yesterday, while at work, a lady came up to the counter asking for copies made of a pic of an angel covered with little demons! how appalling! and she had this awful smell reeking off of her, nasty. first thing that came to mind was "hell". and i had no doubt she was demonised...her speech, the way she looked at things, so evil looking. i felt so defiled. i wanted her to leave, and if i could, i wouldnt even have served her.

how can any man or woman be so deceived? how can anyone be lovers of darkness, knowing full well that darkness leads to death! how can anyone searching for truth, turn away from truth when it is presented to them even in the face! Lord, how can i be a light to this woman who is so deep in darkness? Help me to shine.

cant believe it's nearing the end of the year; Christmas will come, then the dawn of a new year! voila! new things to look forward to, new challenges to face! come on, BRING IT ON! this year's Thanksgiving has been most meaningful for me; spending time in a big family environment, eating lots and lots of food, the atmosphere really does remind me of Chinese New Year...minus the angpows and traditional dishes. hehee=) but turkey and other goodies are just as good!

Giving Thanks...

I am thankful for God’s mercies to me, and most especially fir the gift of His Son Jesus Christ, without whom I would have been a very different person.

I am thankful for relationships with people; I am glad that God didn’t make us to live alone. I know in life there will be many friends that come and go, some leave & some stay, some far & some near…but all have made significance in my life – all have taught me, somehow or rather, to appreciate life and relationships.

I am especially thankful for the past few years whjere I’ve seen the beginnings of answered prayers and unbelievable opportunities! – a closer knit family, even though we’ve been so far apart; the opportunity to come to United States for studies AND MORE; the privilege of meeting friends from all over the world; the blessing of being a part of lives, families, churches; and most especially for the joy of sharing my life with Pheng.

But most of all, I am thankful for the assurance that my future’s in His hands! And thinking of all these good things make me thankful. (Phil 4:8-12)

“In all things give thanks…”

the hills are alive...

music being such a big part of my life, i dont believe i have not written anything extensive about it at all!! Y’know, personally, one of the things that pump me up is not just listening to good music, but actually playing good music with a band. in fact, i am willing enough to go as far to say that there is nothing like good teamwork as when a group of musicians come together, working out the elements of good creative music and syncopation, being controlled and yet being free, being tight as a band, thinking the same patterns and feeling the same passions when playing the song...there's nothing like it! ahhh, but to actually do that, is a dream for me. very rarely have I ever truly experienced this paradox of tightness, this freedom, this joyous tension when making music with someone. So rare, to be a team that plays the exquisite sounds of a perfect pitch, a perfectly-timed beat, a compelling rhythm, and so many other indescribable pleasures.

in all these years, i've learned that there is, and should be a BIG BIG difference between music practice and rehearsal. i'm talking from the perspective of church music where everyone is basically a volunteer musician, if i can use that term. we're not pros. not playing for money. For most people (hear me right, now) who play at church, besides serving God there's literally no other motive but the desire to just being on stage. I think that’s a legitimate motivation. But is it motivating enough to want to make that person practice? And I’m talking about personal, disciplined and yes, boring practice apart from coming together and “practicing” as a band for Sunday worship. That should actually be called a rehearsal and not practice.

And I think that’s where most church musicians get it wrong. They treat the rehearsal like a practice, when in fact they should have practiced beforehand. And then it does not help that in most churches, the list only comes out on the day of practice itself. And then we expect everybody to play like how we hear it on the CD. How unrealistic! And while we’re at this, do we even listen and pick out the instruments, and focusing on how that particular one instrument is played?

That’s what I’ve learned so much from my time in Gateway Church music team and also the CFNI Praise Band. At Gateway, although it was a very brief time, I made myself sit at their practices and rehearsals so I could learn from them how they manage themselves during a session. There was so much structure, and yet within that structure was the freedom and excellence like I’ve never seen before! Even in the CFNI Praise Band! Its no wonder that every member in that team WANTS to go to practice! There was such a powerful dynamic in the way they work together as a team…and so much commitment to improve on their skills and abilities. There was such an openness as I’ve never seen – the worship leader did not hesitate to tell the band what he wanted to hear (he knew what he wanted to hear and that makes a difference too!) and also to constructively criticize or say his thoughts on what he was hearing, if it was bad or good. And the team, there was such humility, so much submission, that they weren’t offended, or even if they did, it did not change the way they saw him as a leader.
At Gateway, I played a few times in practice with them, and I think I played twice, if I remember right, in a couple of services. It felt so good to play in such a tight band, and at CFNI, just singing with a group of powerful vocalists every other week. It was so good. Just knowing the right time I’m supposed to come in on the guitar with a particular rhythm, listening to the other musicians executing with perfection what they had practiced over and over and over and over again. Such a commitment to excellence. And they were diligent about it.

Yep. So rare. Very rare indeed.

Someday I would love to be leading a committed team of musicians in the same excellent way I’ve experienced this. But for now, I guess I’ll just have to stick with this and learn to be the best I can be in whatever instrument or ability I’m doing.

sejukkkkk!

it was so cold today! we had some little snowflakes flurrying everywhere as i walked out to the car after work. and then i realised i had to go put some petrol in the car! OUT IN THE COLD! brrrRrRrRr!!

but anyways, i read something really cool today by A.W. Tozer in his book "The Pursuit of God":

"The man who has God for his treasure has all things in One. Many ordinary treasures may be denied him, or if he is allowed to have them, the enjoyment of them will be so tempered that they will never be necessary to his happiness. Or if he must see them go, one after one, he will scarcely feel a sense of loss, for having the Source of all things he has in One all satisfaction, all pleasure, all delight. Whatever he may lose he has actually lost nothing, for he now has it all in One, and he has it purely, legitimately and forever."

That, i must say, is one of the best descriptions of contentment in God i have ever come across. one of my favouritest verses in the Bible is Philippians 4:12b-13 AMP ...I have learned in any and all circumstances the secret of facing every situation, whether well-fed or going hungry, having a sufficiency and enough to spare or going without and being in want. I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me. yup! one of my favouritest verses that i live by, and find me preaching to myself...especially where it says i I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH!

Jumping influence

i often think how influential i am, even when it seems my conduct is most insignificant. and then, every once in a while, someone lets me know how they appreciate me just because of who i am. a constant reminder that people are looking even at the smallest things i do. so humbling. such a great responsibility. whats more important, if people are looking...then God indeed must be watching. dont get me wrong...this is not about having good conduct just because others or God are looking...but this is just the realization that i am responsible for who i allow myself to be.

so anyways, i just got back from dinner with the Cunninghams at BD's Mongolian BBQ in Columbus. it was better than the one and only other time i went to another mongolian grill in dallas...that one didnt really impress me at all. but this one, i enjoyed it. probably coz of the fact that i miss seafood, and they had some. my stomach's full of prawns, scallops, crawfish and duck right now...i hope i dont get sick, hahaha~~

on the way home we had to pick up the kids their friend was babysitting for them. they are so precious, the 2 boys and girl. you know lah how kids are, one moment cutey-cutey and the next naughty-cheeky. but they are so precious. i sat with one of the boys, tickling and rubbing his back all the way home. i had a great time. i hope i'm being a good influence to them.

I just read on Matt's blog that Diana may be pregnant...I'M SO EXCITED FOR THEM! the moment i read it i wanted to shout so loud, but stopped short because the entire household is asleep...dont wanna wake them up..LOL! but how my heart is leaping for them!! (puts hands in the air, grins, and jump jump jump!)

i was late for work today, i didnt even know i turned off the alarm when it rang! i was so geram with myself. geez...so i'd better get to bed, another early day at work tomorrow....but before i snooze off...*jump jump jump!*

living the LIFE!

i wrote the following during my devotion this morning. i thought it was so refreshing, personally...and i wanna share this with you guys.

John 1:1-5 MKJV In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and
the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things came into
being through Him, and without Him not even one thing came into being that has
come into being. 4 In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 And the
light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overtake it.

Its humbling to know that my very source is not me, nor those before me, nor anything i have done or will ever do. To know that nothing in this world can take that place, that precedence, nothing but Jesus - this is the truth. He was in the beginning before all creation, before time itself came into existence. He is Beginning, Author, Writer, Source, Creator, Innovator, the Reason for every reason. Without Him i cease to exists. In Him I live and move and have my being. He is the reason i breathe, i walk, i talk, i think.

In the beginning He was the one who formed man in His very own likeness, He himself breathed life into man! In that breath was energy, power, vitality, strength, mobility; it metabolized man. It gave man movement, animation, consciousness...life itself.

Then man sinned and forfeited that very essence. That very ability to breath and have life was stripped from us because of death that entered as the result of sin. And so here and now, we live a limited earthly lifespan. We make every effort to add years, increase life, so to speak...but all this was, and is and will always will be in vain. There is nothing we can take or ingest or use that would give us more years of life than what has already been preset and given to us. The very elements we find in this earth to promote life is subject to death itself.

And yet God knew He remains the Source, and He still knows now. And without Him everything is fruitless. Every effort futile. Every work is waste. So He came again in the very form of His creation, to be the very sacrifice that was required for righteousness.

In the beginning, He gave of His Breath, His Spirit, that man may have life on the earth.
And here in our sin, He gave of His Breath, of His own physical body, that man may have life for eternity.

This life then, is the light of men. Helps us see. In the darkness that can be so overwhelming, the Light shines and overpowers it. What was unseen can now be seen. What was not visible is now visible. Once blind, now we can see. Where there was confusion, now there is focus. Where there was fear, now courage! Where there was hesitance, now certainty! Where there were limits, now boundless! and this is Life!

This is the very Life that we have been called to live! The life that gives sight! The life that gives visibility! that The life that brings focus! The life that inspires courage! The life that gives certainty! The life that offers boundless opportunities in Christ! This is the LIFE we have been called to live!

revelation in ATF....

written during worship at the finale...

~~~~~~~

I have been so blind! How could I have thought that it was anything we could do? NO! It's only the grace of God. THE GRACE OF GOD! and only His grace alone can save this generation!

"And Abraham drew near and said, Will You also destroy the righteous with the wicked? 24 Perhaps there are fifty righteous within the city. Will You also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are in it? 25 Far be it from You to act in this manner, to kill the righteous with the wicked. And far be it from You, that the righteous should be as the wicked. Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right? 26 And Jehovah said, If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes. 27 And Abraham answered and said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak to Jehovah, who am but dust and ashes. 28 Perhaps there will be five lacking from the fifty righteous. Will You destroy all the city for lack of five? And He said, If I find there forty-five, I will not destroy it. 29 And he spoke to Him yet again, and said, Perhaps there shall be forty found there. And He said, I will not do it for forty's sake. 30 And he said, Oh let not Jehovah be angry, and I will speak. Perhaps there shall be thirty found there. And He said, I will not do it if I find thirty there. 31 And he said, Lo now, I have taken upon me to speak to Jehovah. Perhaps there shall be twenty found there. And He said, I will not destroy it for twenty's sake. 32 And he said, Oh do not let Jehovah be angry, and I will speak only once more. Perhaps ten shall be found there. And He said, I will not destroy it for ten's sake." Genesis 18:23-32 MKJV

He was pleading to God for grace. Only the grace of God can save this generation.

so Lord, look down here, dont send this nation to its ruin...do not curse this nation to it's ruin with the absence of Your presence! Look at those who still stand holy! Look at those who still stand righteous! Look at those who still stand upright before You, Lord! Would You not consider these? Lord, we only depend on Your grace, and your grace alone...not on anything else...but YOUR GRACE.

Let Your name be glorified, Jesus!

ATF trip...

off to Cleveland tomorrow for ATF. it's gonna be good...the first time having an outing with the youth here to a huge conference. what's exciting is that some people that i didnt expect would come are coming...and i pray that their lives will be changed!

come on somebody!!

Recent days...

Been busy. real busy. and real tired too. meetings here and there, deadlines, work etc etc.

so i finally completed the preliminary applications to Dallas Baptist University. for those of you that dont know, i have decided to go to DBU and not Regent coz Regent wouldnt accept CFNI's credits for their bachelors programs. i was considering between psychology and sociology and philosophy in DBU...but i finally decided on sociology after looking at all the course descriptions. their sociology program seems best for what i wanna do in the future, which is being involved and making an impact in the social and cultural setting.

thats the biggest update for now...

this weekend will be going to Cleveland, Ohio, another big city up northeast of here. Teen Mania is having this conference called Acquire The Fire, or ATF for short. i've heard much about it, and am quite thrilled at the opportunity to experience this. talkabout thousands of young people gathered in one place to seek God's face! then comes a sobering thought: how many of these are really sincere in their relationship with God? Yet God never fails to call those whom he Has predestined to serve Him.

it's funny how i have all these thoughts, ideas, but it's so difficult to put into words. not that i cant, but to take time to think of the right word to fit the pictures i see in my mind...argh. yet when i find the right word, the feeling is indescribable!

yesterday i saw a young man running on the sidewalk, with knee length socks and shoes, and no shirt on, holding a CD player, IN 40F degree weather! some people are just nuts.

its my day off today, i'm planning to call DBU to have somemore of my questions answered, and then call CFNI also to arrange some housing and other things. hopefully i'll get to take a little nap sometime. and oh, yeah, need to look for air ticket for Christmas. Pheng and i are planning to spend Christmas here in Ohio, so i'll have to find a way to get her here.

God is faithful!!

The Martyr's Creed

Author Unknown

I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed.
I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast.
I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made.
I am a disciple of his.

I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.
My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure.
I am finished and done with low living, sight walking,
small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed vision,
mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position,
promotions, plaudits, or popularity.
I don't have to be right, first, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded.
I now live by faith, lean on his presense, walk by patience,
lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven,
My road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few,
My quide reliable, my mission clear.

I can not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or
delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of
the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of
popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up,
prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ.
I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go till he comes,
give till I drop, preach until all know, and work till he stops me,
and when he comes for his own... he will have no problem recognizing me...
My banner will be clear.

astonishment

as i sit here typing this, i am utterly amazed and astonished at the unspeakably unending revelation of God and the things of God!

here i am, trying to prepare and condense as much as i can, the doctrines of the Christian faith...and i find myself continually drawn (but not distracted) to the immeasurable, unfathomable magnitude of awe and wonder in everything that God has instituted...

i try to understand the baptisms, and there's the baptism of the Holy Spirit, then i'm drawn to the fire, and what it means, and what it does, how it illuminates, burns, cleanses, purifies, refines; and the seven spirits of God, and the lampstands in front of His throne, the calm and the peace surrounding the lightning and thunder, the glory of His majesty, the atmosphere of awestruck wonder and amazement and His unending revelations of Himself; the elders of heaven, the saints before us, their blood crying out, our race in our lifetimes, the people who have yet to know the Gospel, the elect, the non-elect, the grace of God, His unending and new mercies, justice and righteousness...it just goes on and on and on!

GOSH! i'm struggling to even find words to describe how i feel! There's so much to learn, knowing God, so much! how can i ever possibly fully understand and encompass the fulness of God? Never! and yet i desire to! i want to! even if it takes eternity, i dont wanna lose out! i wanna learn, i wanna be awestruck, amazed, undone...

i wanna know Him; abandoned, yielded, surrendered, submitted...to the Everlasting, Eternal, Constant, Unfailing, Unchanging, Faithful and True God...Him...

today was quite an interesting day. it started out good, spent some prayer time with Pr Mike & Eva and SeulKee after they shared a little bit more on their trip and their excitement about what God has in store for TOP in the future.

Pr Mike prophesied over me, and said that God was wanting to form me, like how steel is formed, refined and hardened. and seriously, this has been a really trying time for me here, especially concerning some very personal issues in my life. but the assurance that God is always in the process of shaping me is quite...frightening, if i can say that in a positive way. on the one hand, i dont wanna go through all these hardship, i would really like things to be easier; but on the other hand i wanna be better, i wanna improve, i wanna be who He wants me to be. can there be a balance? i would not think so.

and then lah i was at work, and this man and wife comes up and we just got to talking and he made me smile so much! really! he asked me questions about what i was doing here, just being really interested in me. and i'm thinking, i should be the one interested in you, or at least in your business! but i realized quick enough that he and his wife was definitely God-sent! they didnt have to get just paper, they could have gone somewhere else! but God knew i needed someone to cheer me up, and he sent me them...(if you guys are reading this, i'm saying "hie!"- and sorry i forgot your names!) after they left, i wrote a quick note in my journal, Every once in a while, God puts hope in my heart through the people He lets me meet.

and then later in the shift, a man comes in and wants a stack of papers copied and bound...and while running the order, i glanced abit at the pages and realized it's some kinda thesis/writing for a degree...and it was about the Fear of The Lord. in my heart, i'm saying, man i'd sure like to read what he's writing...well later on when he came back to get his order, i complimented him on his work, and that i was quite intrigued by it. He said i could have his original, and he even signed it! turns out, he was a pastor, and was wanting to publish the book! man, i was so happy!

COME ON, SOMEBODY!
JESUS, YOU ROCK MY WORLD!

and then, i was doing some research on the doctrines of the Christian faith, and i came across this website where they give out free pdf's for John Calvin's writings. i've always wanted to read what Calvin had to say about Christianity, and now i'll have the opportunity to! just have to find time and discipline to read them. it's gonna be HUGE HUGE reading project; i'll probably read it when i have bigger freetime blocks. if anyone wants to check out Calvin's writings, heres the webby i went to. [click]

oh well..goodnight!

assurance...

i was getting rather depressed earlier this evening thinking about some things and questioning why i wasnt getting the answers i've been praying and hoping for concerning my future. but as i was preparing what i was gonna share in Youth Meet tomorrow, i came across Albert Barnes' commentary on Psalm 62:5 "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him."

For my expectation is from him - In Psalm 62:1, this is salvation. The idea here is, that all that he expected or hoped for must come from God. He did not rely on his fellow men; he did not rely on himself. God alone could deliver him, and he confidently believed that God would do it. Often are we in such circumstances that we feel that our only "expectation" - our only hope - is in God. All our strength fails; all our resources are exhausted; our fellow-men cannot or will not aid us; our own efforts seem to be vain; our plans are frustrated, and we are shut up to the conclusion that God alone can help us. How often is this felt by a Christian parent in regard to the conversion of his children. All his own efforts seem to be vain; all that he says is powerless; his hopes, long-cherished, are disappointed; his very prayers seem not to be heard; and he is made to feel that his only hope is in God - a sovereign God - and that the hole case must be left in His hands. This state of mind, when it is fully reached, is often all that is needful in order that our desires may be granted. It is desirable that this state of mind should be produced; and when it is produced, the prayer is answered.

illusion of control

a few days ago my supervisor, Mr Willard, talked to me about the illusion of control. it was after we had one of those rude and unreasonably demanding customers that are just impossible to satisfy, that i guess he just had to share his thoughts with me.

it was really interesting what he said that the moment we give the customer full control, thats when all kinds of things start to go wrong, (in this case, unusual (sometimes impossible) job descriptions that we do not typically offer, wrong price quoted, lengthy procedures etc etc etc.) he said what we need to do is not to give the customer full control of the situation, but the illusion of control; making them feel like they have some control over what job they want done, but it is we offering the services that are guiding the conversation and offering suggestions and alternatives available, instead of otherwise having the customer dictating everything.

hmm...THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL...ooooh...anyways, i have more thoughts on this, but no time lah to type it all. need to finish up on some other things.

some interesting news

Chinese astronauts change underwear once...
dont think i can stand even one day not changing my underwear! eek...how do they stop the itching?

Poll: Americans are getting ruder...
i must agree...even though i learned in CFNI how appreciated good manners are, overall i would say that not just americans, but even back home, the younger generation are so much ruder. even some girls (more so here in the states, though) are so crude, barely any manners at all! that was why i was so pleasantly surprised just a couple days back, i was just driving real slow in a small neighbourhood in Mansfield, and here this old man mowing his lawn, waved at me. and then at the junction, a buick went by, and the driver waved at me. i was so surprised, i forgot to respond my waving back. - when i have kids, i'm gonna teach them good manners.

Penang traffic jams, bottlenecks, and intelligent traffic systems
ever since i can remember, they've been talking about improving traffic congestion on the island...seems like nothing's improving. look at the number of cars people are owning! more and more cars on the road, more and more personal vehicles running the streets! thats why we need better public transport. the last time i was back home, i noticed that the 'newer' (if we can even call them new anymore!) minibus models weren't found in Penang anymore. i used to take the bus for fun, once in a while. i still think public transport, if properly marketed and promoted and improved/maintained, will be the only answer to Penang's traffic woes. until then, i'd still prefer the motorbike. zoom! zoom!

another evolutionary clue??
so eager to find prove to their theories until they baffle themselves. even then, they still will not accept the truth: that God created the heavens and the earth, and everything in it!

alrighty...time to zzzZZzzZzz...

nothing...

my achievements, my trophies, my works,

my deeds, accomplishments,

my triumphs, victories, exploits, talents,

weaken, fade, diminish

in the light of who God is

and what He's done

for me.

once again, i see

it's not my feats

or successful hits,

not inventions nor mere intentions;

all pale in comparison

to His mercies and grace,

to the delight He shines on my face.

how can i to Him

be so unworthy yet so desirable,

so undeserving and shameful

yet precious, priceless, pure, invaluable;

who am i, what am i

that He finds a friend in i?

i am His desire,

the passion of His fire,

the solo in a choir,

i am, one who sings

what only i can bring.

and all this will i do

to bring Him praise and honour, due

only to Him, only for Him,

for the glory of His name,

for His majesty, His fame.

May this life, unworthy as it seems,

be as in the birth of this earth -

though nothing,

created, spoken,

out of it came something

glorious, beautiful, illustrious, wonderful -

may it bring esteem

to The First, The Last, The One, The Supreme.

busy!!

woohoo! things are gonna get busier for me in the coming days & weeks, and i know i gotta get myself more disciplined to keep things in priority.

i seriously think i need to spend more time getting prepared for some classes i'm teaching with the youth here; really, i'd love to have more time to just let these material marinate in my head instead of just having to prepare them a day before and lack sleep, and then read through a couple of times before i finally teach them. and now with SeulKee and I handling the rest of the month's youth meetings, i need more time! i dont wanna go into the meeting and then just talking off of my head without having sufficient time spent preparing my heart! i dont want them to feel that i did not prepare or that i dont think they're important or insignificant therefore i can "wing it", and it's not about wanting to prove myself to them, God forbid! but i wanna give all of me...and here i am, struggling, coz i know i can't. not with all these limits (and it's not just time).

and then here, i need to get my application for Regent & DBU going...and i know the longer i put it off the more troublesome it's gonna be. and i just wanna also have time for recreation, coz i know i NEED it! do some reading, cycling, listen to music, making cards etc. just relaxing. with all these things in mind, all i can just do to keep up is to rush here, rush there, rush rush rush, thinking ahead all the time, constantly the stressing this poor brain out...it gets tiring.

and yet, here's the perspective i wanna keep: possibilities and positivities! and i know, even though things are gonna get rough, busy, draining, i have to stay focused, my eyes have to be set on the goal, i have to be determined not to be discouraged and overwhelmed. i need to do what needs to be done, and whatever it takes, i will do it. and i wont let busyness faze me. and as much as i would like to have more time for certain things than others, i must be determined to give my all to the cause - Jesus Christ, and Jesus Christ alone. He promised that he is with me, that in His strength i can do all things. and having this constant conviction of what's right and what's wrong and choosing light instead of darkness, i know i can press on. and so i will.

How are you seeing things?

Collage

Cranberry romance

this picture caught my eye one day as i was reading readers digest on my throne. thought how interesting it was the way they harvest the cranberries...almost romantic. note how big the heart shape is compared to the men in the picture!

the following is off the topic, but it's another one of those little humour endnotes after an article on the digest.

Watch it, he's got a finger! - A "gunman" attempted to rob a pharmacy by using
his fingers to form the shape of a gun. in fact, he never even bothered to hide
his pointed finger. he just kept jabbing it at the pharmacist until the druggist
had enough and wrestled him to the ground.

he asked for it! lol



Music
yesterday, Josh kinda introduced me to a band called Showbread and we were talking about how funny some of the music genres we find today. JoeD mentioned something about how teens wanna listen to different sounding music coz they know adults dont listen to them. interesting how he puts it that way.

when i was a teenager i used to really not like alternative music or anything heavier than pop rock. but now i've grown to have appreciation for heavier rock styles. i really dunno how it is, but i do. some songs, a few years ago what i used to think was a bunch of noise, now i really like. and who knows, perhaps i'll learn to appreciate emo/screamo music bands like Showbread. maybe through these genres i'll learn to understand a little more of this and coming generations.

meanwhile, i just get a kick out of watching Showbread's mouth like a magazine [click on the "work" section, it should be the last video on the list]. i just think it's hilarious how they present themselves in their music and as a band.

Raw Love

"Daddy, one day I want to make a billion dollars, and I want to give it all away. I want to help the poor; I want to help the needy. I want to make a billion dollars, and I dont care if I have nothing, but I want to give it all to help people."
As I was listening to her dream, I thought, I can fix this. Because the dream was almost right.
But she kept saying, "I want to make a billion dollars and give it away and help the poor, and I dont care if I'm homeless or have nothing. I just want to give it away to help people."
I said, "Mariah, I want you to make a billion dollars and giev to the poor and needy, but it's not a good idea that you have nothing. Then you would be needy and somebody would have to take care of you and you wouldnt be responsible."
"I dont care if I dont have anything, Daddy," Mariah responded. "I just want to make a billion dollars and give it away. I dont care if i'm homeless. I dont care if I have nothing."
"But if you're homeless, our taxes would have to pay for you."
Looking at me as if to say, Daddy, you just dont understand, she continued, "I dont care if I have nothing. I just want to make a billion dollars and give it all away. I dont care if I have nothing."
I thought, Okay, I'm not really helping here. I was trying to help her understand that she needed to keep something, restructure it, and reinvest it so that she could make another billion and help another group of people. I just wasnt able to help her with her dream. And I thought, A metaphor - that will help.
"Honey, lets say you're a large tree bearing fruit for people to eat because you want to feed everyone, care for everyone. But because of that, you didnt care about your roots, and so you said, 'I'm going to uproot myself. Who cares about the soil and water? I just want to bear all the fruit I can.' And the you will die. Then the next year you wont be able to bear fruit. It's better to take care of your roots, too, so that you can keep bearing fruit year after year after year."
She said, "Daddy, what in the world do roots have to do with this?"
I knew I wasnt making progress. We left the place and went to the car. I unlocked it, and she got into the car quickly. By the time i slid into the driver's seat, she was sobbing, and I didnt know what was going on. I asked, "Mariah, are you okay?”
Just drenched in tears, she looked at me and said "Daddy, i want to change the world, but you cant appreciate my dream. I want to change the world." She continued, "I didnt say I would be homeless; I said i didnt care if I became homeless. I want to change the world. Cant you just hear my dream?"
I realized that instead of nurturing and unleashing the dream being born out of her heart for God, I was domesticating her dream and trying to civilize her raw and untamed faith, which was ironic since I was so excited that this was her heart.
"Well, honey, i am excited about your dreams," I said. "Dont you think that we were a small part of trying to nurture your heart to have that dream?
She said, "Yeah, but i dont think you're getting it."
I said, "Well, I get it now."
It took me a little while, but suddenly i saw it clearly. I was experiencing a barbarian invasion. Mariah's heart was beating to the rhythm of the heart of God. And her dreams were way too raw for me. I didnt see it initially, but i was trying to civilize her instead of unleashing the untamed faith within her. After all, I am her dad. it's okay if i live a life of irrational faith and breathtaking adventure. I want something different for her. I want her to have security and safety - you know, a predictable, boring, mundane life where i never have to worry about her again. In that moment i realized Mariah would have none of that. For her there is only one path. Even at twelve she has already committed to it. Be still my heart, but my daughter has chosen the barbarian way out of civilization. And it's for this simple reason that this book is dedicated to her.
~ Erwin McManus in The Barbarian Way

As i read this portion of the book, i began to cry, coz i it was so similar to what i went through with my dad about 5 years ago. we went out to Line Clear for supper, and it was there i first "formally" revealed my heart to him about where i felt God was leading me...and i remember him trying to talk some sense into me, saying i can always serve God after i retired from a successful carreer, etc etc etc. but i was sure it was what God wanted of me. and i remember, quitting college after 2 years, and then working in church...and feeling on one hand that i was pleasing my Father in heaven, and on the other hand knowing that my dad wasnt really happy about it. it's been a few years, but looking back, my dad has told me he loves me so many times, and that he's proud of me, and that he would support me in this life decision i've made. I've heard more i love yous and seen him show care and concern for me in the last few years than i can ever remember growing up as a kid and teenager. This has brought so much love in my heart for my dad...so much respect and honour; a love so deep that, honestly, i've never had for him ever before. Today, even though i do not really know how pleased his heart is with this decision i've made, but i do know that he loves so much that he would allow me to walk this path.
Dad, i know it takes a lot for you to let me go. i know you've had great plans for me...yet i assure you that God has greater plans for me, stuff that i cannot even begin to imagine or understand, and i have faith! and I just want you to know i'm so blessed to have a dad like you. and just like the story above, i know you will understand the barbarian way i've chosen to walk in. I love you.

on my mind today

daydreaming of when i'll be a father

how much God loves me

about facades, disguises, masquerades, pretensions, insecurities, weaknesses, false confidence

about importance of approval, love, acceptance, acknowledgement, appreciation, expectations

about dissatisfaction, disappointments, experiences, hurts, scars, wounds

how high the gas prices, how everyone wants cars, bikes, affecting global warming

fleshly instincts: individualistic, materialistic, status seeking, selfish human desires

being a Christian: relevance, different, culture engaging, accepting yet uncompromising

whats my niche, my purpose, my focus, my gifting, how do i fit in?

will i make a difference? am i making a difference? does it (do i) matter? what difference does it (do i) make?

how short life is to live, how easy it is to die, how consequential my decisions are, how long eternity will be

how can i reach this someone? how can i develop a closer relationship? how can i speak into this life? how can i make the difference?

and more...
today has been a very contemplative day for me, even while at this 9000+delegate conference, so much has been spoken, so much has been ignited and reignited, stoked and fueled, and here i am....thoughts and ideas zooming in and out faster than i can even try to remember. and then a phone call comes, informing me of the death of an uncle who was battling terminal cancer, a mix of bittersweet emotions...glad-sad; love-hate; sympathy-indifference; wanna know-couldnt care less; "serves him right"-"WHY?!"....

for some reason, coldplay's song "fix you" keeps playing in my head. it's either coz they played it as an opening song for the conference, or that the words are just so...real.

When you try your best but you dont succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you cant sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cant replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try, you never know
Just what you're worth

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you could not replace
Tears stream down your face, and i
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face, and i

May His light guide us all home.

Catalyst

tomorrow early morning i'll be leaving for Catalyst Conference in Atlanta, Georgia, with Mr Chuck, one of the church members here. i've heard so much about the conference, how they're making it the "convergence of next generation leaders". some of the speakers featured this year are John Maxwell, Andy Stanley, Erwin McManus and Louie Giglio, among others. exciting! i was debating whether to go or not, coz it was expensive and i had to take a few days off work and all that...well, i got my off days, and i was able to afford it coz someone else is paying a portion of the fees, as well as accommodation. so i thought, with all these offered to me and SeulKee, i might as well spend some money as an investment for my future! come on somebody!!

if you wanna know more, check out the link above.

it's gonna be good; i'm expecting something fresh, revolutionizing, life-changing! i'll be back in a couple of days...=) *grin*

Faith

"By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharoah's daughter, choosing rather to share ill-treatment with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered abuse suffered for the Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he looked to the reward." (Hebrews 11:24-26)

Here we see the key to the triumph of obedience over disobedience. The key is confidence that what Christ offers is better than the 'fleeting pleasures of sin.' Moses looked to the reward of God's promises, he weighed that against the rewards of unrighteousness, and he rested satisfied in God. With that, the power of sin was broken and he was freed to love a rebellious people for forty years. The writer of Hebrews calls this liberating contentment "faith". "by faith Moses...chose to share ill-treatment with the people of God."

The definition of faith behind this usage is given in Hebrews 11:1: "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for." In other words, faith is the satisfied assurance that God will work things out in the future far better than i could work them out by relying on myself or by departing from the path of obedience - even if obedience means suffering now. Being satisfied with all that God has for me in Christ - past, present, and future - is the power to resist the alluring temptations of disobedience.

~ John Piper in The Pleasures of God

i like what John Piper here says about faith...linking faith to obedience in such a direct way. Yesterday i had just prayed that God would take over once again, and that my future is not in my hands but in His. I had been very frustrated and angry coz nothing's going on my way or what i'd hope things would be, and yesterday i just couldnt take the anxiety of knowing nothing anymore. so i went to seek the Lord, and reminded myself of the promises He gave me...and i stood on them. right after i prayed, He showed me a glimpse of hope. and here today, His voice booms through what i read. what a blessing, what an encouragement, what assurance that He is watching over me!

"Let the fire fall, let the wind blow, let the glory come down!" - Jason Upton

Tak Sebanding

Semua yang ku banggakan
S'mua kekayaan dunia
Tak sebanding dengan cinta yang Kauberikan
Apa yang dalam impian
Bahkan hasrat yang terdalam
Kaujadikan nyata saatku menyembahMu

Dan dunia pun mencari
Jawaban tanpa tahu kebenaran
Bahwa Kaulah Raja yang dahsyat
Memberi kehidupan

Karna semua yang kucapai
Semua yang tercurah oleh kebaikan kasihMu
AnugerahMu membuat ku percaya
Bahwa tak pernah ada yang mustahil
Bagi s'mua yang menyembah Mu

~ sidney mohede

Bapa, Engkau tahu segalanya yang berlaku dan terjadi dalam hidupku. Kuberterima kasih karna Engkau masih berkuasa, dan ku tidak usah bimbang akan masa depanku. Pada masa ini, ku hanya mau mengetahui kasihMu, mengenali mukaMu...kuserahkan segalanya, termasuk keinginan serta rancangan buatan hatiku kepadaMu. Ambil alihlah, Bapa.

stargazer

after work today, i was invited over to Pr Rick & Tyne's place for dinner. Tyne cooked, and it was delicious! i really appreciate them for being so kind to me. wanna make sure i let them know. anyways, after dinner, i cycled with Richard around the neighbourhood and got to visit Chet and Holly at their home for a while, and it was HOLLY'S BIRTHDAY! it was fun, i really enjoyed myself hangin' out with them.

so driving home with Ray and arriving at the driveway, we got out of the car and GOSH! there's like a billion gazillion stars in the clear night sky! i honestly do not remember seeing so much stars at any one time in my life! Ray pointed out to me the Big Dipper (later found out that's the same name for the Big Bear or Ursa Major). he also showed me the Milky Way, the fuzzy starry arch across the entire sky...i was so fascinated! it was absolutely beautiful!

i had always wanted to learn how to identify the stars and their constellations, so i decided to do just that. took my pc out and looked for websites on star charts etc. found a few, and now i can identify the Ursa Major, Ursa Minor (which includes the north star Polaris), Cepheus & Cassiopeia, the Summer Triangle, Pegasus and Aquila. <--- i typed this from memory!! hahahaa~ i'm such a show off!

OH OH!! while i was staring at the sky lying on my back on the driveway, i saw two shooting stars! MY FIRST TIME EVER seeing shooting stars! two separate stars on two different occassions, about 5 minutes apart! man, in my heart i was just thanking God so much; i was so in awe at the beauty and the opportunity to just admire God's creation! i can almost picture what it was like for Adam when he saw all these things for the first time, and identified/gave them names!

i had had a rather rough day at work, a few nice customers, but was overshadowed by this one customer who had such horrible vibes surging from him, just by the way he talked, walked, everything. and even now as i type this, so many things are fighting for attention in my mind...but i remember the couple of hours i just laid on the ground, in my jacket and the cold COLD night, just staring at the stars, finding north and south and east and west, and identifying some constellations, being so blessed and so happy to enjoy such beauty...i am reminded of the following passage:

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained;
What is man that You take thought of him, and the son of
man that You care for him?
Yet You have made him a little lower than God,
And You crown him with glory and majesty!
~ Psalm 8:3-5

my God is with me, though none are beside me

whom shall i fear when He is near?

when sorrow and laughter to me they come after

He's with me to bottle my tears

so i'll look to the sky, all tears are wiped dry

and remember His promises for me

His wonderful calling, His glorious coming

His smiling face I will soon see

today at work i was very pleasantly surprised towards the end of my shift when a deaf couple came and wanted some copies made! i had so much fun "listening" to them and trying to make them understand what i was saying. and i totally enjoyed myself serving them and making them feel special...i even told them that if they had the chance or opportunity, to check out this blog and keep in touch, if they would. but they did tell me they were still novices in computers.

and then after work i went straight to a football game in Hannah's high school. Hannah is Pr Mike's daughter...and it was their homecoming game. i'm still learning about the culture here in America, homecoming traditions, football (not soccer) games, public vs christian schools, etc. so if you ask me about what homecoming is...i still wont be able to explain it! all i know is that it is a big thing here. the closest thing i can think of is school sports day. but here, parents and friends and relatives all turn up for the game! back home in Malaysia you can hardly see that. at least when i was growing up.

had a conversation with Josh about music stuff...i really like to listen to him talk, i mean, this family...wow! they can talk so well and really explain things so well...it has always been my desire to articulate things well, and i still do struggle. but when i listen to them talk even about the simplest things, man, they are able to say it so much better! it becomes so interesting just to sit and listen and pick out their individualities, how they say things, the way they form their sentences, phrases and idioms and so much more!

so anyways, back to what Josh mentioned, he was talking about the threshold of hearing, where if it is any lower than zero db, we would be able to hear the molecules in the air hitting each other. how wild is that! he mentioned how crazy it would be to be able to here everything, even the tiniest bit of sound all the time! and then he talked about the electromagnetic spectrum and how light waves and sound waves are just what they are...different frequencies of waves when, produced higher or lower, behaves in different forms. so, theoretically, if we take the frequency of light, and bring it down to lower frequency, it becomes sound. hmm...i like the vice versa better: if you take a sound wave and raise it to a higher frequency, you can see sound. OHH LALAA!

talk about hearing a sunset, or seeing the sound of the flute as it is being played! then Josh threw out this thought: what would it be like in eternity when we're in our glorified bodies, in the presence of God, and being perfect in all our senses...seeing the worship in the air, hearing the glory of God as His Light falls and touches our skin, and Bible talks about God tasting sweet like honey in the rock...can it be that in heaven we can take that literally? like tasting the sweetness of His love as He shines on us?! woooo~

so amazing, creation. and so much more amazing, it's Creator. forget evolution, man! we have no ability on our own that can recreate God's handiwork! how finite our minds to think that the tiniest cell with a small nucleus as a brain, or, should i say 'control centre', can decide one fine day to evolve so it can fit into a changed environment.

silly theories.

Pictures of where i stay

Here are some pics of the house i'm staying in with the Cole family. such a pretty house! it sits right next to a little pond, and on the other side of it is the church. pic no.3 shows the house from the back on the other side of the lake. nice leeehhhh!!

so anyways, i've put up another shoutbox next to the old one for anyone who has prayer needs, you are welcome to post it here so we can all pray with you. i only ask for you to PLEASE put your name, mainly for me, or at least something i can identify you with, coz i wanna know who i'm praying for! so dont be shy shy, embarassed or ashamed; i wont humiliate you or think different of you.

I wanna pray for you!

should you have awakened my senses
and unraveled my thoughts?
could this be the genesis
of everything that was not?

what could be the purpose
of this intuitive game?
i'm altogether nervous
but do you feel the same?

the firebell rings within me
blood gushes through my veins
and it makes me wary
should i hold on to my reins?

what would this endeavour cost me?
how much is it gonna take?
should i even consider
when all my heart is at stake?

could it be too late now
to contemplate so much?
when everything has already been given
hugs and kisses and such?

"I wanna know you"

I wanna know You more than anything
The world that surrounds me, I live in everyday
Doesn't compare to knowing You

You take me places I've never been before
You show me visions only You can give
I love the way You speak to me

I wanna know You
I love to know You
Everything else I count as loss
I wanna know You
I love to know You
No matter what the cost

The cost is nothing compared to knowing You

~ Micah Tawlks

I love this song. i just learnt it last Sunday and have been singing it all week! what an anointed song! simple words, intimate tune, amazing how when i sing this song, i feel like God really wants to respond to me and my desire to know Him!

idols

The idols of the nations are but silver and gold, the work of man's hands.
They have mouths, but they do not speak;
they have eyes, but they do not see;
they have ears, but they do not hear, nor is there any breath at all in their mouths.
Those who make them will be like them, yes, everyone who trusts in them.

Psalm 135:15-18

during my break at work, i was sitting in the car and reading the psalm when these few verses really came out to me. so many instances where i'll here of people flocking to a statue or a shrine if only to catch a glimpse of the crying statue of Mary, or a statue of Jesus with blood dripping from the scars of it's hands, or an idol of a cow that producing gallons of milk. so many times i've seen devotees of various faiths, buddhists or hindu and others, religiously performing rituals after rituals in hopes of gaining favour from an idol that will never move from it's place; in essence it's exactly like how it is described in the scripture above: they don't see, don't speak, don't hear, don't breathe - no evidence whatsoever of life!

so why then, are there people still coming to these idols?

bondage. beliefs and false teachings that have been passed down through generations and culture. hands, feet, minds and hearts - all chained together, stifling any hope or chances of freedom. and then they become exactly like the idol that they worship. blind. deaf. mute. dead.

but God is not like that. the Bible tells us that God is alive! i like what my girlfriend's sister said to her family in an email, "The real God is not hidden in any idols." The real God is not hidden in any idols! we must not think that as humans, created beings, we are so great that we can create gods for ourselves. what was man thinking when he formed the first idol and worshipped it as god? did he really think that this thing that he made would actually listen to his prayer, or meet his demands, much less respond?

the real god does not hide himself or makes himself inaccessible to his creation! in Hebrews, it says that in the past God revealed himself through prophets, but in the last days, TODAY, NOW! - He reveals himself to us through His Son, Jesus Christ! Jesus so many tells us that we are to relate to God through a relationship with him. He said "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, no one comes to the Father but through Me" (John 14:6). i take that as a reminder of what He revealed 4 chapters earlier, when He said "I and the Father are one."

man, think about this! God himself, the Creator, reveals himself not in anything that we have created, but through His own Son (whose very birth was a miracle), and the fact that He rose again three days after being crucified in our place, dying as a sacrifice for our sins, gives us that comfort to know that God is not dead. He is alive, and very interested in each and every human being on this planet. How can that be possible, you ask...of course it is. He is God, and therefore present everywhere, knowing all things, and all-powerful. This is the real God.

so much more can be said about this true God that i know, and even a million posts wont be able to say it all. but i can say this to you...that this God can be found.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, " and will gather you from all the nations and places...and will bring you back..."

Jeremiah 29:11-14

work, WORK, work!

i just wanna write a bit about how blessed i am to have this job at OfficeMax.i am paid well, i have great colleagues, a balanced work environment with the right pressure and pace, and i think this is what really blesses me: that i have a godly man as my supervisor.

i mean, from the day i had an interview with him, i've seen so many times when his passion for God just overflows. almost every conversation, this man will mention God and testimonies of God's goodness in his life; and he'll tell me how the week's amazing sales figures are attributed to God and His favour over his children; about how he gets so passionate talking about God that tears just well up in his eyes...man. so much passion! i could literally feel the depth of his relationship with God even by just talking regular stuff with him!

He'd be this cheerful looking guy, always ready to smile, a great love for people, always willing to help and take time to explain...even in this short time being with him, i can already feel the integrity of his character gushing out of him! he definitely seems a very pleasant, humble, and righteous man.

so i must say that this job is definitely a God-given assignment for me in this season. working out of the church environment, i know, will change me and the way i look and feel about ministry and being a witness for God. of course it's easier to stay in a little christian community bubble; people are generally nicer, more caring, a sense of community, etc. but now that i'm working outside where all kinds of people come in, i get a taste of how really demanding & unreasonable people can be. amazing, isnt it?

of course sometimes i feel church to be like that as well, but thats a story for another day. i just wanna say how blessed i am to have this job, to have a supervisor that's living a life showing what a Christian should be in the marketplace, to be in a place where i have to listen to each and every customer and tailor to their demands, watch them smile and get really pleased with the results they get...what a blessing!

i pray the Lord will use me even in this short time i have to work here to impact some lives. i gotta be good Christian witness for Jesus Christ, come on, SOMEBODEEHHHH!!!

Sunday's coming...

today Seul-Kee and i broke fast and prayed for the youth meeting we are having this sunday (every Sunday we have about an hour or so time with some of the youth here at TOP, and we just doing some teaching about worship and leadership) we planned a time of just seeking God in worship and song, a time where really, we are believing that God will just encounter these guys! come on! what better way to change than for God himself to transform us, haaahh!

so anyways, while we were praying, one of the things that just kept coming to us was that God would give each of them a life-changing encounter. like when God showed himself to Moses as the burning bush, and asked him to take off his shoes, man! that encounter, all of a sudden, gave him purpose! it propelled him into his destiny! all of a sudden, his life was changed! no more shepherd tending livestock, now he's got a mandate to be God's tool of deliverance for his own people! come on, somebody!

like when Paul met God on the way to Damascus, while he was going there to persecute the Christians there, man, that dude saw the Light! come on! and God spoke to him, a couple of sentences, and all of a sudden, his life had a new mission...and within the next few days, he was up and running, proclaiming the gospel with undying passion and crazy courage! God transformed him, from Jesus-hater to Jesus follower...and i'm believing that an encounter like that is gonna happen, and is happening even the moment we have prayed!

It's gonna be awesome! i cant wait! shandarabaeherubahikulamaheyo!

unreasonable comments by unreasonable people...

ahhh...cannot sleep.

so i read some news...and there's this piece about Kanye West's remarks on President Bush, saying how the president is a racist and does/did not care about the african-american community that suffered significant deaths in the recent disaster in New Orleans. blaming the president is not the answer, and cannot be the answer! how can a man be responsible for a hurricane he did not send? dungu fella! and accusing him of being racist for ignoring the poverty of a community is quite absurd, and as the First Lady herself said: "disgusting!" As far as i know, the Bush administration has done quite a lot things to help with providing more jobs, educational and welfare opportunities especially for the less privileged. what else does he want the govt to do? hand poor folk free stacks of franklins for fun?

Bible says in the proverbs that poverty comes to those who are lazy, sluggards. those who are diligent in their business shall stand before kings, in other words they shall receive favour, increase, blessing. which makes me wonder about poor communities, why do they remain poor? it's not like poor people have no opportunity; they have just about every opportunity as everyone else to make their work and their lives count! i would say that the key here is diligence, and diligence in the right things, in the good things that are moral, upright and just, and that will bring them to the attention of kings and not obscure people. perhaps the problem is that some people tend to hang around their own kind and complain, murmur and grumble about their pathetic situation. the mentality is "forget the rich folk, they wont help us, so i'm just gonna sit here and sulk." Where there is no contentment or gratitude, how can we then expect, much less appreciate increase! and so we put the blame on others when really, it is just ourselves that are not willing to work hard.

the wealthiest people, i believe, are those who have found the secret in being content, as Paul says in Philippians. then i must say that contentment is not a place of complacency or even laziness, instead it is a place in life where we know that no matter what we face, we have done everything we can with utmost diligence. contentment is not a place where we simply accuse and blame others when we lack, when we could have done something about it.

come on, think! why do poor communities remain poor? some blame lack of jobs or opportunities or resources, and the government for all of the above. come on lah! i'm from another country, and yet i can find a job here. and when i get a job, i make sure i work diligently, thats what brings favour with the people i work for! however there are those who complain daily about their job, about how they're underpaid, about how unfair this and that, complain complain complain. usually these are the those who get poorer, and not just in financial wealth, but in character as well.

i'm not saying this like i look down on poor people. i came from a family that started off poor. my grandpa, i can say he gambled his wealth and inheritance away. my dad started his family from scratch, working as a regular factory technician. his diligence and uprightness in his work have seen him gain favour and rise in ranks, now he's a manager of a factory...and all because God saw his diligence, and gave my dad favour not just with the King himself, but with men as well. i grew up not rich, but not poor either. i grew up thankful for what i had. looking back at my childhood, i thank God because although we had no riches, we had no lack.

so back to the issue about how this guy blames his president for the poverty of his own race. i'd say to him, "why dont you do something for your people to promote unity, hardwork, gratefulness and diligence in the right and moral things/work instead of badmouthing your authorities, spreading your own discriminating remarks, singing about gangs and promoting disunity, unhealthy habits and negative lifestyles?! it's time you realised that there are many other people not your 'colour' that died and suffered as well. so stop being such a racist yourself and start thinking also about people other than those your 'colour'."

ahhh...so good to lepas geram. maybe now i can sleep....

Dear Lord
we pray a blessing over Kanye, Lord, wherever he is right now. we pray that the influence that he has, that he will use it positively. Lord, help him to see the bigger picture of things, help him to fight for the overall welfare of those afflicted with this tragedy. Lord we pray that you will bring him to a place where he can understand and receive your love and your grace. Let your light shine on him Lord, let the blessing of your grace and salvation be on his life! touch his family, touch his career, touch every area of his life.
we pray also for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, that you will comfort them Lord and put peace in their hearts. Let them all know the love and passion you have for them. in their grief and loss, help them to find hope and purpose in You. thank you for all the help you've sent their way, Lord. thank you for all those who offered help in opening their homes, volunteering time, giving money and their lives to serve those afflicted. we speak your blessings over them as well. Thank you Jesus! in Your name we pray, AMEN!

up and running...again

Hello~ and for those who are new, welcome to my blog!
yup, this blog was closed for a while, but because of several personal requests from friends and family to restart it, here it is again...with a new greek name pronounced as "eukaireo", a verb meaning "to have opportunity, to have leisure, to do something, or to give one's time to a thing". and i think thats what keeping a blog basically is, for me. also i can use this as a place where i journal some of the opportunities or things that are going on in my life. isnt that such a cool name?! COME ON, SOMEBODY!

so once again, welcome welcome welcome!
and please feel free to leave your comments, i love comments! tell me what you think!

Katrina

"Natural disaster is caused by the sin in the world; the acts of God are what happens afterwards ... all the good that happens." - Maj. John Jones, Salvation Army Area Commander, Houston TX.

please pray for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

In Ohio...

hei hei! yup, after a long 20-hour approx drive, i'm now in Crestline, Ohio. i'll be here until December to finish an internship with Tabernacle of Praise, whose pastor is Pr Michael Cole. He graduated Pastoral School in CFNI with me last December.

i will be helping in any area they need help in the church, mainly in the youth and worship departments. i was just at the church earlier to test out my guitar and a new wireless set i bought, and it worked fantastic! had some time jamming a 'lil while with Pr Mike's kids. it was good to hear the guitar on the speakers again! such beautiful sound!

the place here is out in the country, farms all around us, small roads, beautiful greenery and trees. only thing i'm kinda not-so-looking-forward-to is how cold it'll get here when autumn and winter arrives. as some of you might already know, i'm not such a big fan of the cold.

so anyways, i'll be having quite a bit of time on my own too to do some catching up with some personal assignments. hopefully this'll also allow me to update this blog a little bit more often now. i'll be sending off some emails to some of you guys too, so watch out!

so till next entry, blessings!

Mom's birthday...

it's MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY today July 26th!!!
Mom's always been one of the greatest influences in my life (naturally) and i'm really so blessed by her passion and servant heart. i want the world to know i have great respect, honour and love for her. have a great birthday, MOMMY!!

well...i have lots more other things going on in my mind right now, but i wont put them in here coz i'm about to zZZzZzZ. i love my Mommy.
*smile*

how much...

i know how much i do really need God, but how much do i really want GOD?

how much do i really mean when i say "oh God i need you!"...when a few moments later i fall, crash and burn into sin?

how much guilt must i pile on my poor soul before i realise that wallowing in it takes me nowhere but to the pits of despair? there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus

birthdayyyy

hot summer afternoon. broken AC. the hot stove, the naked chicken, fish guts, sambal belacan and flower pants. kids outside playing in the pool. LOTR:FOTR playing on the PC. and, a heart full of hope that there's still chance of the day becoming better.

had to work earlier. it was good, found out that 3 other people here have the same b'day. that adds to 2 more others back in Malaysia that share the same birthday. that's really cool.

then balik, and cooked. my dishes turned out good. i made good sambal belacan, fried fish, steamed fish with tofu, belacan gizzards, bought some charsiew, chicken soup, yaki nori, and garlic soysauce. Mitch and Mizuyo came over later; SamThecka, Tomb and Pheng were already here. they got a cake for me, prayed for me and then gave me presents! WOW! i got the RISK LOTR edition board game - something i've been wanting to have for the longest time! and finally it's in my hands...MUAHAHAAA~

many thanks to all you guys who chipped in to get it for me. and especially Pheng coz she's the only one who knew how much i wanted it. i love you, dear! i'm so blessed indeed!

so hei, just thought i'd put this in. i typed something earlier on about something i heard over the radio, but i forgot to save it, so forget it. its almost 1am here..and i badly need to do #2. plus, I NEED TO WAKE EARLY IN THE MORNING for work. yup. back to work in the dishroom.

thanx, you all who gave me a call to wish me your blessings on my birthday! my day turned out pretty well after all=) Thank you Lord!

ahhhh...

ahhhh yes! i've finally finished checking up and correcting our books for the outreach! for those who dont know what i'm talking about, well, last week i was told to make some corrections on our accounts. so the whole entire week i'd been kept busy and stressed out trying to balance the numbers, and finally it's done! i submitted the books yesterday and they were very pleased with what they saw. Praise the Lord! so now that i have a little bit more time, and i'm gonna make myself write some long overdue email replies!

some other thoughts i've been having:

Waste
while working yesterday pulling dirty dishes out of the conveyor (i work temporarily at the CFNI cafeteria as a dishwasher) i was suddenly aware again of how much food we're throwing away! well, the place here is not that bad; most of the time they try here to cook just enough for everyone, but there's no telling how many actually decide to come for the meal...so there's usually some leftover to throw away (or sometimes, if the food's good, the dishwashers snack on them *grin*) But what really disturbs me is how much food people take and not eat. THEN they put all the food in the conveyor and WE have to throw it away. and it's not just here in this school, but i believe very much so everywhere, especially in developed countries.

i worked at another place where they serve expensive fine dining cuisine...and seriously, i remember they were holding this buffet banquet...and everything, i mean EVERYTHING was laid out to look out on the outside. no doubt, they taste good too. but after the banquet when we have to clear out the "garnishing" i found it so difficult to throw away food. this is real, good, untouched, tasty, food i'm talking about here! and we're not allowed to take anything home, not even put in our mouths. they all go straight into the trash...

such a shame. i dunno the exact figures, but i think there's statistics saying that the world's more developed countries produce more than enough food for the whole world, yet they are the very countries that throw away a huge portions of their food supply. and here we are, having all these world summits, and all these other groups demanding the richer countries to give more help to overcome poverty in other countries. they already throwing all these food, and now ask for more? of course they wont listen lah! sheesh.

what must happen is that people must be taught to eat what's enough for them, or else somehow FINISH the plate. people must be taught to share their food. it's ironic that a family can be well fed, and outside a beggar starves to death. i know i know. at first it's about work and salary, and reaping what you sowed, laziness brings destruction, diligence brings prosperity...bla bla bla...and now it has become "we deserve what we work for", "i can do whatever i want with my money, my food, my life"... everything's become me me me. so individualistic, materialistic and selfish. whatever happened to mercy? love? kindness? self control? what about the time in Acts 2 where they sold what they had to give to those believers who had need?

alright...thats it for some random ramblings. i'm getting sleepy...wanna catch a few winks before i get back to work at the dishroom.

a different kind of transition...

over the last few days i had been feeling rather sad...i have tried to explain how i feel, but cant seem to find the right words to describe whats going on inside of me.

i'm talking about transitions again...
i've been through lots of transitions, and yes all of them really affected me, but this time around, somehow, i feel a lot more sad and stressed out about it. you see, Michel left for DC 2 days after we arrived in Dallas, tomorrow Sidney will be off to IHOP-KC and then onwards to NY and DC with Samix and Florence and he'll be off to Paris from DC. then July 1st, Jeff will be off to China. and also about the same time, Samthecka is moving of campus somewhere to stay, Florence will be off to Paris also early July, Richman had mentioned before the outreach about returning to Zimbabwe, and then i'm off to Ohio for a few months...

i dunt know why it feels sadder this time around. like i said, there've been many transitions where i knew i'd be separated from friends/family for a prolonged time, but somehow this time it's more intense. it could be that we had spent about 5 weeks living eating and doing everything together, and prior to that months of weekly meetings too...no doubt there's a special bond with them that's formed in my heart.

i think it's different from the others coz for those, i kinda had the hunch that somehow i would see them again soon...y'know, like, coz we're from the same country, and if it's friends, they would usually return home for hols...etc etc. but this time, these are friends from all over world, and sometimes i suppose the thought of how slim the chances are to meet them again can be quite daunting.

anyways, i just wanted to record this feeling in here...i need to get to bed now. long day ahead...
one thing for sure, i'm gonna miss them all terribly when we're all gone our separate ways. i already am missing them...=(

back!

hello all! ahhh~so i'm back from my outreach trip to my country....yup. we had a great time ministering to the people, and the experience, my my my! if there's just one sentence i can say to sum up everything, here it is: "phenomenal! incredible! amazing! outrageous! challenging! life-changing!"

God's fingerprints were on everything we did, everything that happened to us, everywhere we went, and everyone we met. lives were changed, relationships restored, wonders and miracles happened, commitments made, fires of revival aroused...God showed up.

i'll share more in the coming days about what happened (everything's in my journal, and i wanna give accurate accounts). but for now, i'm still in awe of how this has come and go...and how the Lord had his hand upon us, and how this although seems like the end, is only the beginning of more to come. there is no end to the glory of His name!!

i'm absolutely excited.
stay tuned ~*

My King!

i came across this some time ago, and i was SO BLESSED by it...it really fired me up! and here i am, sitting with my good friend Michel and man, both of us just starting to get excited and shouting in the apartment, man! COME ON JESUS!!

what you're listening to is a speech he gave spontaneously. also, below is a copy of his sermon entitled "YOU CAN TRUST HIM". it's absolutely amazing...my King, that is =)

He's the one who made you, it is He who made us and not we ourselves. The heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork. No means or measure can define His limitless love and no farseeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supply. I'M TELLING YOU TODAY YOU CAN TRUST HIM (AMEN)

No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing. He's enduringly strong and He's entirely sincere. He's eternally steadfast and He's immortally graceful. He's imperially powerful and He's impartially merciful. He's the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizon of this world. He's God's Son, He's the sinner's Savior, He's the centerpiece of civilization. I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU CHURCH, YOU CAN TRUST HIM! (AMEN)

He does not have to call for help and you can't confuse Him. He doesn't need you and He doesn't need me. He stands alone in the solitude of Himself. He's august and He's unique. He's unparalleled, He's unprecedented, He's supreme, He's preeminent, He's the loftiest idea in literature, He's the highest personality in philosophy, He's the supreme problem of higher criticism, He's the fundamental doctrine of true theology, He's the cardinal necessity of spiritual religion, He's the miracle of the age, He's the superlative of everything good you can call Him. I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU CHURCH, YOU CAN TRUST HIM! (AMEN)

He can satisfy all your needs, and He can do it simultaneously. He supplies strength for the weak and He's available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He sees. He guards and He guides, He heals the sick, He cleansed the Leper, He forgives sinners, He discharges debtors, He delivers the captives, He defends the feeble, He blesses the young, He regards the aged, He rewards the diligent, He beautifies the meek, I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU CHURCH, YOU CAN TRUST HIM! (AMEN)

He's the key to knowledge, He's the well spring of wisdom, He's the doorway of deliverance, He's the pathway of peace, He's the roadway of righteousness, He's the highway of holiness, He's the gateway to glory, YOU CAN TRUST IN HIM!

He's the master of the mighty, He's the captain of the conquers, He's the head of heroes, He's the leader of legislators, He's the overseer of the overcomers, He's the governor of the governors, He's the prince of princes, He's the king of kings, He's the Lord of lords, YOU... CAN... TRUST... HIM!!!

His office is manifold, His promise is sure, His life is matchless, His goodness is limitless, His mercy is everlasting, His love never changes, His word is enough, His grace is sufficient, His reign is righteous, His yoke is easy, His burden is light, I wish I could describe Him too you, He's indescribable because He's incomprehensible, He's irresistible because He's invincible. You can't get Him off your hands, you can't get Him off your mind, you can't outlive Him and you can't live without Him. Pilate couldn't stand it when he found he couldn't stop Him, and Pilate couldn't find any fault in Him. And the witnesses couldn't get their testimonies to agree and Herod couldn't kill Him, and death couldn't handle Him and thank God the grave couldn't hold Him. (AMEN)

There was nobody before Him and there will be nobody after Him. He has no predecessor, He'll have no successor, you can't impeach Him and He's not going to resign. YOU CAN TRUST HIM!!!

-S.M. Lockridge

kurabashakirikaamshisurarhaembabababaA!~!!! Fire me up Jesus!!!

breaking the silence...

well...for now *smile*

coming tuesday i'm going home to Penang once again...and this time i have my friends coming with me! we're gonna be visiting many places and encouraging lots of people...we know God is gonna accomplish His will through us, amen! (if you dunno what i'm talking about, write me)

which means for at least the next 40++ days i will be writing less in here if not at all. however, i intend to send a weekly email for those of you would wanna keep us in prayer while we're there. so if you want to be on the list, click on the link above and tell me.

but just a quick praise to the Lord! the past few weeks truly have been phenomenal! i've seen the finances pour in for the team; hearts that were discouraged lifted up; faith arise to see the possible in impossible situations; needs met, whether emotional, spiritual, physical; His covering of protection over us and our families; blessings over blessings over blessings!

2Samuel 23:3-4 The God of Israel spoke to me, Israel's Rock-Mountain said, "Whoever governs fairly and well, who rules in the Fear-of-God, is like first light at daybreak without a cloud in the sky, Like green grass carpeting earth, glistening under fresh rain." (MSG)
v5 Although my house is not so with God, yet He has made with me an
everlasting covenant, ordered in all things, and sure. For all my salvation, and all my desire, will He not make it grow? (MKJV, emphasis mine)

The Lord is faithful! and really, what have we done to deserve all this? nothing! personally i've been lazy, slacking even in my time with Him. i procrastinate, neglect my duties, am easily distracted, not focused...and yet here He is, His hand of favour over me. how undeserving of me, yet He showers His blessings. yet he has made with me an everlasting covenant, ordered in all things, and sure. For all my salvation, and all my desire, will He not make it grow?

and all He asks in return? my love. intimacy. surrender.

i've come to the conclusion that...God intervenes when we surrender it all to Him. it's foolish to think that while we quote that statement over and over again, how many times have we worked and worked so hard to achieve a dream (even a God-given dream) and forget that all we do amounts to nothing compared to what can be done when we surrender it to God!

so often it is said that "we must do what we can, and let God do what we cannot." well...i kinda half-agree on that...actually i'd rather say it like this: "Let God tell us what we can do and He will accomplish what we cannot." the problem with us is, we think or assume we know what God wants us to do. we must then ask the question: have we really heard from Him? and if we have heard, was it His voice, the enemy, or ourselves? how sure are we?

Psalm 37:23-24

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord; and He delights in his way.
Though he fall, he shall not be cast down; for the Lord upholds his hand.

My Redeemer is Faithful and True
Everything He has said, He will do
Every morning His mercies are new
My Redeemer is Faithful and True
~ Steven Curtis Chapman

see y'all in Malaysia!